Ruffled Rita

Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I have posted, and I guess it's about time that I did. Unfortunately, contrary to the hopes of RussianFritz who encouraged me to post, I don't believe I have anything extraordinarily witty to say at this time, but then again like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, humour is in the synapses of the brain. To the left is a picture of my pet bird, Tilly, and my guinea pig, G.P. a.k.a. Pizco (original I know!).

Not too much is new in my part of the globe other than I recently had a pretty decent review at work, and, as it turns out, I get to stay for at least another few months at my cozy co-op! Perhaps Rita was in a good mood that day.

Speaking of Rita, I took this footage of my pet bird, Tilly, the other day. I thought you would enjoy it, she appears to have been possessed by something... Hmmmm.... What on earth could have come over my little kakariki? Rita, perhaps? I know you're all thinking it!!! However, you are all WRONG! hahaha... After all, I have only ever seen Rita possess weiner dogs. Besides, Tilly is cantankerous enough already! Can anyone guess why Tilly is in a tizzy?

Watch the video while you can!!! I only have a 3-day trial with Neptune and this was the only way I could share my video - either my connectivity sucked, or blogger won't let you upload video (or at least video that is more than 3 megabytes in size) http://www.neptune.com/users/kbaskett/videoWMP/kbaskett485633.wmv

Answer: I slipped her a teeny weeny bit of carbonated water. (No worries - no pop!) Just a teensy bit of fizzy water; the carbonation freaks her out.
Then again, I guess it could be Rita; just look at how Tilly sticks her tongue out at me.

I hope you are all doing well!

KittyKatz and Silly Hatz

Jimmy Mou and string beans
And mayonnaise and whipping cream
Gumdrops and gummy bears
And moonbeams and cream cheese
Where oh where has the little boo gone?
Oh where oh where could he be?
He went to the corner store
He went down the lane
He went to mothers
He peed down the drain

Where of where could that string bean be?
Oh where oh where could he be?

Flip flops and lollipops
KrissKross and cleaning mops
Ching chang and motor oil
And lizards and fairytales
Shitzoos and malapoos
With cantaloupes and billy goats
Oh where oh where could he be?

News from Skelei-Rita

Skelei-Rita is having good times in la patria. I am taking the liberty of putting the highlights of her email into our blog without her consent. Thanks, Skelei-Rita!

Things I would never do in Canada, I am doing in Spain. For example...out of extreme anger I bought a bikini. Sounds weird, but the store was out of my size in the shoes I wanted and were out of the purse I wanted. I got mad and thought that the best way to express my anger to all of Spain would be to subject them to seeing my midriff. (I´m sure that they dont care at all).

I would also like to mention Skelei-Rita's notorious meeting with the infamous Signor Spamio, her perverted Italian former roommate who dripped with with grease, sour old canoli juice and rancid salami residues. To avoid the EVIL SPAM, one of Rita's lowly pawns, Skelei-Rita moved to a nearby apartment.

Skelei-Rita will return to the Canadas in one week. We look forward to seeing you soon, Skelei-Rita!

I love this website!!!

Reading all the posts and comments makes me laugh so damn hard!!!
The initial ones are so funny!!!
Miss you all!

~~RussianFritz~~

The Russian Ritas Forgot Jimmymou's Birthday!

We wish you a happy belated birthday, Jimmymou! We hope that you spent your birthday rocking the coop like this bird did.

Sorry

I just wanted to post the photo so I could use it for my display photo.

But while I'm taking up this precious blog space. Let me tell you some interesting things.

I forgot to tell everyone that the children I teach on weekdays are quite lucky/priviledged. Some of them are picked up after school by their family chauffeur or by their nannies. Some are only five years old but have beeen to Hawaii five times. One boy told me that his house had four floors.

But they are good kids and they still enjoy playing with the potato people that I make by drawing faces on potatoes. It just goes to show that, though you may have money for all the best toys, the best ones require imagination, humour and creativity. Next Christmas, give your child the gift of the potato!

STRESS!!!

My grandpa is stressing me out. He is forgetting everything! The last two weeks have been the worst. He mixes up his pills, asks me where they are, they are located in at least 3 different places in the house. For the last hour and a half, I have been trying to figure out his pills by using a new pill system with those plastic pill day containers. My dad and aunt were there to help me in the process. I feel so drained…DRAINED… DRAINED… I think this has been the hardest time in my 6 year life with him. I feel so bad… Its just so hard. I feel bad that I will be leaving him at a time when he needs me most…
Boo hoo bow wow.Fritz no longer has fritzez….

Mystery Revealed

I saw these vegetable creatures on the sidewalk close to where I work and they completely mystified me. I thought that they may have had some symbolic significance but I had no clue what it could be.

As it turns out, the eggplant is a cow and the cucumber is a horse. They are left for transportation for the dead from the gates of hell to our world. F.Y.I: The gates of hell open in August this year. The cucumber horse is fast and represents the family's desire for their dead relative to come quickly. The eggplant is slow and represents the desire for the relative to leave slowly.

WHO THE HELL IS: "Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you."

We know this RussianRitas blog is so fabulous. But we cant stand Rita infestation and conspiracy. You cant fool the Russian Ritas, we know all your dirty tricks, you old hag. I see the links you attach to your annonomous comments!!! Stop your deceiving with your nice comments and money stealing Rita infested weblinks.

Errrrrrr!!!!

WARNING: Do Not Watch This Video - It Might Affect You Forever!

www.meat.org

Kaz and I, somewhat by accident, watched this PETA video. I have been guilty in the past about making fun of vegetarians and vegans, but now I have started to sympathize with them.

The video was so horrifying! Those poor animals are raised in such cramped and poor conditions, that by the time they get to the slaughterhouse, they can't even walk out of the truck! I know these videos only show the worst of the worst scenes, but it really made me feel like I was one of those any one of those complacent citizens who knowingly supported one of history's genocides.

This is a moral issue which borders on religious belief. For some vegetarians, life is sacred and therefore, we should not kill. I do not share this belief. I do however, believe that all animals should be free from suffering. This is where I logically must sympathize with vegans more than vegetarians. Vegans refuse milk and eggs because of their consumption causes suffering to dairy cows and laying hens. Capitalism has created nightmarish conditions for these creatures, attempting to maximize profits by creating the most efficient animal-product-producing-machine possible while showing no regard for dignity. Dignity has no monetary value within a capitalist system.

But I love meat and milk and the oh-so-delicious runny Hokkaido camembert cheese that we have in our fridge! Delicious spiced kafta balls of beef, curried chicken, thin gingery asian pork! But now I can't help but be conscious of the suffering that allowed us to have such pleasure! Oh, I am so torn! For now, the only thing we can do is reduce our consumption of animal products and therefore reduce our support to the industry. When we return to Canada, at least, there are places where we can buy products made from animals who were ethically treated.

Rita Skeeta - A Known Incarnation of Rita?

There are too many striking similarities in this case for it to merely be a coincidence. Rita Skeeter from the Harry Potter series must be connected to RITA somehow if she isn't Rita herself assuming a body in the fictional world. Let's look at her record:

• creates hugely exaggerated or completely untrue rumours which have the potential to defame people and ruin their lives
• often assumes the form of a beetle to spy on people
• started a smear campaign against Harry and made life very difficult for him (Dumbledore banned her from Hogwarts)

If we had as much magic as Dumbledore did, we could ban RITA from our environs as well! I think a Rita Skeeta has been at work in London, defaming a dear friend of Russian Fritz's. If you see a green beetle scurrying around, please put it in a jar and send it to my address:

Tokyo-to, Shinagawa-ku, Nishigotanda 4-1-6, Chugindaisanmeguro Mansion #202, Austin-Okawa, JAPAN

The author of the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling, has revealed that in the still-unpublished book VII, there is more to come on Rita. Citizens, beware! Rita is alive and well and in our midst!

13-YEAR OLDS IN UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!

Its true! You read correctly, I am sure some of you are already aware that thirteen year olds go to Western, but for those who don’t WATCH OUT! BE AWARE! RITA HAS ENTERED THE INSTITUE OF HIGHER LEARNING!!!!
I know many of you have had your conspiracies about a Rita Infested Institution, things just didn’t seem right, there was too much brains around to really exist on a realistic scale.
Let me tell you about a little story that happened to me in grade 8. I was a somewhat wize old craze kid, and I made a conscious decision not to associate with people who would cause problems. I just had no patience for those damn juvenile delinquents and their pathetic little quarrels, that I would prefer to play guitar, sing and smoke cigarettes.

How RussianFritz learned his lesson in grade 8:

There were a group of girls, one day they would all be friends, the next day Tasha would talk badly about Yvonne, and then Jamie would talk bad about Jessie and there would be these fights, gossip, and then after a week they would all be friends again, until Cynthia would tell a lie about Jessie and so on and so forth. It was ridiculous and my precious little mind had no patience for Ritas infestation into the mind of adolescents who believed they knew everything.

I thought I was so damn smart until this past weekend. Like I said, to this day, I still attempt to choose my friends wisely, because really I have no time for their petty shit. I like true, real, people who are not in some fantasy land that doesn’t correspond with reality.

There was another situation in grade 8:

All the girls had a crush on this guy named Ryan Fields, he was kind of a cute teenboy, mid length blond hair, stoner, a rebel, all the girls loved him. Anyway, Tasha and Yvonne had a crush on him, and one night Cynthia and I went downtown to hang out. We met Tyler Desrosiers ( a good friend of mine- we knew each other back in grade 6 in another town and school), so we knew each other and he was with Ryan Fields, so the four of us walked along the tracks, drank, smoke and went to Cynthia’s house. All four of us hung out. The next Monday at school when the group of girls found out about this, they all turned against Cynthia, because they were jealous that her and Ryan talked all night and looked at the stars.

You would not believe it---but a similar situation happened to Fritzes in the year 2006 not 1996.

I knew this girl named RitaKrita with a K, and attempted to set up RitaKrita with a K with a really great absolutely the nicest man and friend named ReFritzes4beansmeatballs. RitaKrita with a K had no concept of dating, and thought that if you talked to a guy long enough it meant you were practically engaged. ReFritzes4beansmeatballs had no liking for this RitaKrita with a K (he realized he needed someone who didn’t whine all the time, lived in reality and had social skills). So the RussianFritz Prince that I am attempted to set up the Great ReFritzes4beansmeatballs with someone who I believed might have been more at his level in terms of reality. It turns out my Rita meter was off by 100000000 of a milabite and the whole world came tumbling down. RitaKrita with a K found out about this relationship and decided to sabotage it because she was so damn jealous that the Great had found someone to talk with. RitaKrita with a K decided to talk to this level headed woman and break off their friendship with the Great. RitaKrita with a K told all these vicious exaggerations of reality and manipulated them in order to ruin five friendships. That damn jealous RitaKrita with a K deceived us all. Bow wow boo hoo.

Now RussianFritz learned his lesson and will never again associate with thirteen year olds that go to University.

Because the RussianFritz was so emotionalized by the situation he screwed up a great friendship by doubting ReFritzes4beansmeatballs niceness. He was so convinced of the older woman’s logic that how could it be refuted? But after talking with RitaKrita with a K, RussianFritz realized that she was just jealous, immature and had no concept of reality. And she told fibs to the older woman in order to get her to stop her friendship with ReFritzes4beansmeatballs. The sickest part of the whole story is that RitaKrita with a K thinks she is justified, her image of how relationships exist in the real world are skewed by immaturity and lack of experience. We must feel sorry for RitaKrita with a K.

Perhaps one day ReFritzes4beansmeatballs will speak with the great RussianFritz once again.

RussianFritz has returned!!!

I was Rita Fritz Frencais Loca...
I went to Montreal for three nights and stayed with Grandpa's friend Rosie and Vivian. Rose is 76 years old and met my Grandmother in Canada in the 70s in London, Ontario. Last summer when I went with my grandpa to Montreal we went to Laval to visit her. So anyways, last Saturday MarkFritz and I started driving to Montreal, I called to Rose (Gusty in Romanian) (Grandpa gave me three numbers to randomly call and tell them I am related to him) I called her she asked me where we were staying, I said I didnt know, and she invited us to stay with her. It was great hanging out with Rose and her husband Vivian from Britan (82 yeras). They treated us like family and absolutely loved MarkRita. Rosie is taller than me, a bit plump, and talks a lot with her cute Romanian accent. Her husband is very proper and talks like any old British man would. We stayed with them for three nights and then on Tuesday went to Quebec City. We walked around a lot. Oh yeah and in Montreal was the Jazz festival so we walked around and listened to the beat, we also went to china town where I bought some really cool triangle straw hats, yellow slippers, and that day Italy won the soccer game, so we witnessed all the yelling, screaming and horn honking. Anyway, we went to Quebec, walked around the vieux Quebec and the festival was on with all these bands. Kate you would have loved it. All spanish tunes. MarkRita and I got in a fight over a pigeon on Thursday and we left at 1:30 a.m. and got back into London yesterday at 3:00 p.m. We had somewhat made up by then, but then I caused another fight before we reached London. Today I am upset, I feel somewhat low, but I am wearing nice clothes I bought in Quebec and I painted my toes. PINK!

Yes,..... thats the story. Sorry I never got to read the poem. I can write a really sad one too about my husband. But I think it all might have been my fault. I just want him to be on my side, support me and let me depend on him. Arent you supposed to depend on the person your with? Where is Kate???./ Arent you? Am I asking too much??? If this is the case is it better to be alone? If I am going to be independent in everyway then whats the point in being with someone fully? You need interdependent relationships in order to maximize the potential of the union. What is this moon sister? What is this Brokback patty wack give them fritzez a bone?

I understand the issue of looks and being told your fat. Maybe they dont say it directly, but thats what they mean. You can see it in their eyes. Damn gut, damn jeans, lets burn the house and smoke some beans.

Errggg......

~~RussianFritz~~

Oh where, Oh Where Has Russian Fritz Gone?

Oh where, oh where has my Russian Fritz gone?
Oh where, oh where can he be?
With his legs cut short and his torso cut long,
Oh where, oh where could he be?

Where is Russian Fritz, that spicy Romanian sausage with legs? The last thing I heard was he ran off to the French provinces to live La Rita Loca.

If you hear of Russian Fritz's wherabouts, please contact me.

Above left: Russian Fritz with Cousin Igor

Sorry, Everyone

I didn't mean to upset everyone so much by posting the "Toxic Sandwich" song, which has since been deleted. For those who never read the post, it was an angry poem about my husband. I was angry because he always wanted me to look my best when we went out in public together. Anyway, Kaz is very sorry for suggesting that I wear a skirt and contact lenses. He is really trying to be the best husband he can be. I apologize for presenting such a feverish and skewed version of the truth.

In reality, life is really good in Japan and we're both glad that we're here. My job is really easy and pays very well. I feel priviledged to be working with little people. You forget what they are like when you aren't around them and I feel lucky that I can spend time with these marvelous little human beings.

The next time Rita passes through my life, giving me negative thoughts and compelling me to do violent acts, I will express my discontentment fairly and within context. I'm sorry to have worried you all. I hope if I have a legitimate complaint someday, you will still take it seriously.Love, Kat(ie)

Education in J-Land is Serio, Yo

Here are my students, Joe and Lisa. Joe is five and Lisa is four. Joe speaks in an English accent because he was in a British school for kindergarten. He says things like "Where's the rubbish?" and, "This is easy-peasy!" Lisa went to Montessori junior kindergarten and is a strange and independent little girl. When I started teaching her, she couldn't read yet, and so serious intervention was necessary. p f h I'm serious! For some Japanese parents, having a four year-old who can't read in English is a serious problem! Joe can read and read and read. He was even able to sight-read the word "string"!
Anyway, we wrote a very horrific and entertaining story together. Here it is:

Once upon a time, there was a turtle who lived near a volcano. A mouse came to his house. Then, a dog came to his house. Then a tiger came to his house. Then a pig came to his house and scratched the curtains. Then a lion came and scratched the pig. Then, the tiger ate the mouse. Then, the dog ate the tiger. Then, a little girl came and took all the animals to her house. Her parents had a baby kangaroo and the tiger ate the baby kangaroo. Then, a dolphin came and ate everyone.

THE END

Rita Plays Havoc with Jimmymou's Brokeback!

Well I'm back from the gay rodeo, which was a lot of fun by the way! My favourite events were, the Wild Drag Races, and Goat Dressing! In Wild Drag Races, two contestants coax the steer across a white line, then a cowboy in female drag has to mount the steer, and be led back across the same white line. In goat dressing, two contestants have to get a pair of jockey underwear on a goat in the shortest time possible!

You'll notice I went to the trouble of buying my first cowboy hat for the occasion. I wore my boots too, to make a good impression at the Barn Burner Dance! However, Rita decided I shouldn't be allowed to have too much fun, so she cursed me with a pinched nerve in my back, which I suffered through for the entire weekend! Damn that Rita all to hell! I wanted to ride a bucking bronco, but she saw to it that I was in no condition to do so! Just wait...she'll get hers in the end!

News from Spanishland

I heard that Skelei-rita (Cecilia) has been in Spain for three days now and is amused by the popularity of mullet fashion there.

That Friggin Ritaz

That Frigging Fritz,
She's on the Blitz
Ooo how I'd like to rip that
Frikkin Shrinkin machine outta her pants
That pritioculitis shitzin itis
Friggin fightis gingavitis
She a germ- of chemical warfare-
Shrinkin Japaneze and their clothzes
She on the blitizes
That fricken Ritaz

...We needz to stop herz before she blowz up the waterz, that fricken pizzaz in smokin fatherz.
Jambalayz!!
Shez related to that damn Lexz Lutherz, alwayz bothering Zupermanz and hiz Fatherz
DESTRUCTIONZzzzzzzzzzz

New Evidence that Rita Tested Shrinker Machine in Japan

It was a infernal humid day just like any other day. I went out shopping because I needed some summer pants and shoes. I had found a couple plus-size stores on the internet so I decided to venture out and see their wares. Little did I know that Rita had arrived before me! I looked at the plus-sized clothing and it all appeared medium size. Later, I tried on some extra-large shoes and they were also too small!

At this point, I realized that something was dead wrong. I came to a quick conclusion. It was obvious that Japan was Rita's test site for her shrinker machine. Before perfecting the machine, she tested it in Japan. Back then, the machine was very weak and could only shrink people and things to a slightly smaller proportion. However, we now know that Rita's shrinker is capable of shrinking the world to the size of a rabbit turd. My findings show that, during the developmental stages of the shrinker machine, Rita tested this same machine on Japanese people AND their clothing.

Above right: an artist's conception of one of Fritz's minions testing out the shrinker.