My bad everyone!!! Apparently I can't read. I guess the problem I was having was clicking on the link when I should have cut and paste. I missed the memo where it said that there may be problems when clicking on a hotmail link. Thank you Rita for clearing my brain after a good head scratch!

Am I contributor yet?

Am I a contributor yet? I created an account like you suggested Kat-rita! But the Rita in me got greedy and just took it too far and created a whole new blog under Russian Ritas!

Oh Rita! I evoke thee! I requested your ri-telligence and not your over-zealousness.

So... yeah... if you read my poser blog, I was apparently mistaken about borrowing Rita's intelligence. Perhaps she will lend it to me soon. Fellow Ritas, help me evoke Rita!!!

Kend-rita!

Lunch with Weiner-Rita!

Hello my dear sister! I am out on a lunch date with our brother, Jimmymou. He has decided I should take the name "Weiner-Rita", as I have too succumbed to the greater power of all that is "Rita".

Jimmymou and I dined at McDonald's today. I had the cheeseburger happy meal with rootbeer. It came with a prize--a green car. It revs and bobs up and down when you crank it up.

After lunch, we walked over to Dairy Queen and had a chocolate sundae! We sat outside to eat it, when the sky grew dark and ominous, and all of a sudden it started to rain. We finished our sundae inside and watched the downpour!

We then went to the TSC store so that jimmymou could buy some mousetraps! He wanted to buy the poison that shrivels up their insides and leaves them a dead, rotting shadow of their former selves, but mom wanted him to buy the traps that bludgeon the poor little buggers, so that they resemble a victim from any Jean Claude Vandam movie! As it turned out, Jimmymou couldn't do either, and he bought a humane trap that simply closes behind the unsuspecting cheese seeker, only to be released into the wild upon his capture!

We are now at Jimmymou's house, and we are going to visit with Patsy. Believe it or not, we are not going to watch The Golden Girls. We will sit out in Shangri-la and have a coffee! I brought something to colour, in case I get bored with Jimmymou!

I miss you, my dear sister, as does our loving brother Jimmy! I certainly hope you have enjoyed reading this entry in your blog!

Until next time.....your loving sister, Weiner-Rita

Pride Parade at Brokeback Mountain

Here are some photos from the campground pride parade. These two floats represent about half the parade! The whole thing was about 30 seconds in length. I will show the weiner dog the one of Miss Piggy. I'm sure she'll like that. If only there had been a Golden Girls float! Maybe next year.

Sneaky Prickoscope

Sneaky Prickoscope -- an easy-to-conceal device which identifies jerks, cretins, snide dismissers, and arseholes of every stripe. The only trouble is, it keeps going off.

This is a device from the Barry Trotter series (a parody of Harry Potter).

OOOoooooo I'd like to Smash!!!

The first time I met Kate....
After the first time I went to Kate's house she said, "STOP wearing perfum, your killing my moms lungs... she couldnt breath all night... she complained.... she is sensitive to smells..."
I felt bad and said, "Can I wear deoderant?"
Kate said, "Nooooo NOOOOOooo are you crazy, thats even worse...."
I said, "I will stink like B.O.!?!"
Kate said, "ooooooOOO thats perfect... she likes that.....!"
LOLOL
I miss the family.....
Life isnt the same without you here.... I have no one to talk to....

~~RussianFritz~~

O Brother Jim, Where Art Thou?

Has anyone seen my brother, the closet Morroccan? The last thing I heard was that he went off camping in the mountains to have a brokeback vacation.

The Magic Box: Tales of Classroom Management

Children are wild animals, so treat them that way. How would you domesticate a squirrel? -Not by yelling at it. The squirrel could not possibly understand what you were saying, just like my cute little Japanese students don't understand anything I say.

Treats! Treats can soothe the savage Rita that lies within squirrels and children!

I had three classes with behaviour problems. Nothing worked. I tried raising my voice, giving them the evil eye, distracting them, giving them hands-on activities...

Then I developed a system! Each child has his name written on the board. Beside each name are three happy faces. If they misbehave, they lose a happy face. If they do well, they gain a happy face. If they have three happy faces at the end of the class, they get to pick a treat from the magic box!

It's very easy to get three happy faces. In fact, some students had 15! There was only one little boy, a wild little 4 year-old who just could not be tamed. Little Kiyonari wanted to be a wild squirrel forever: jumping from tree to tree, dropping nuts on people's heads, teasing dogs on leashes. He had no happy faces at the end of class! I didn't give him a treat and he started crying and almost hyperventilated. I talked to his mom, of course. I felt bad but I had to take extreme measures. I just couldn't teach the other kids when Kiyonari wanted to destroy everything in the room! Oh, that naughty illegitimate love-child of Rita and Puck!

In short, this was the most successful day of teaching at this school. The teacher was finally in control and the students learned. I went home after this 8-hour day and soaked in the tub with a big glass of vodka and Coke. Hooray!!!

Oooooo I'd like to rip you!!!

Rita, scratch, scratch. thats what she does. Scratches and rips out your hair.
Fritz went to the library, and the librarian made him mad... He shook his fist, and then poisoned his body with Mancho Cox.
He told the people about the library and ripped out his hair and ran down the street!!!
RIP RIP RIP~~!!

RussianFritz

When shall we three meet again?

"When shall we three meet again in thunder, lightning and in rain?" the Kat-Rita asked.
"When the hurly-burly's done," the Fritz-Rita said, smiling at her sisters, "when the battle's lost and won."
"That will be before the setting of the sun," the Kend-Rita assured them.
"Where's the place?"
"Upon the heath."
"There to meet Ceci-beth!"
The sly purr of a Kat could be heard.
"I come, grey Kat."
Committed to their deed the Ritas were now answering their Fritz-devils here on earth in animal form.
A toad croaked.
"My toad calls."
Finally the ominous hoot of an owl rang across this lifeless place.
"Coming, owl!"
Now drunk with the elixir of evil-Rita they huddled closer to their cauldron, united in cruel conspiracy, and together chanted to the Rita-devils of ill omen.
"Fair is foul, but foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air."
With this they vanished.
The three-Ritas escaped through a cloud of smoggy poluted air.

In comes Ceci-Beth:
"What a fine day." Ceci-Beth said."Who's that man?" she asked. "His wounds tell a sorry story."
"Father," Kaz-Rita said, "this is the sergeant who saved me from capture earlier."
Kaz-Rita called for the wounded soldier to be brought before the King. Kaz-Rita knelt beside the man and wiped his bloodied brow with a cloth.
"Tell us, good fritz, how is the battle going?"
"It was doubtful, my lord-Rita", the sergeant said.
He clutched his bloody body as he spoke. The King-Rita seeing his discomfort crouched closer to spare the wounded man any more strain. The court was silent, they were oblivious to the screams from the battle.

To be continued...

Robert Plant

If there'a a fritzel in youre hedgerow, don't be alarmed now...

I'm so happy that Sir Robert Plant could be part of Russian Fritz's wild adventure. Russian Fritz, the wiener-wolf, the uncontrolable were-sausage who bays at the moon!

~RussianFritz smashed out of his mind~~

RussianFritz did something that was unheard of....
He got wasted out of his mind on Friday...
It was something he never did before..
Oh, that poor old dog, he swore!

RussianFritz went out with the Grad Secretary...They drank and drank from 4-2 a.m. He said, "Yeah, I can hold my alcohol well.." Yeah right. So anyway, RussianFritz went to her house, drank a white bottle, and then a red... and then another white... At 2 a.m. they went down the street and smashed three wine glasses and said "that was fun!"

Before this, they went for a walk, and met this man who in an English accent said "i was waiting for two goodlooking women to walk by my car, stand behind my car." It was a BMW so Fritz and Chriz did what he said. That old man pressed a button and the car whissled- a cat call-...
He said, "Im Sir, Sir Robert J Plante."and then he pulled out his visa and showed us his name. "Im Sir, Sir Robert J Plante, Led Zeppelin..." RussianFritz said, "wow you worked on the Led Zeppelin??"" He actually meant he was from the band...

Fritz left at 2 a.m. and got to her BF house and said "Get this damn necklace off my neck!" and then she threw up all over his floor, and then ended up in the tub, screaming and yelling, "let me go!" She threw up all over her hair, and her BF washed her down twice, she ran through the house, half naked, kicking and screaming "let me go you a**hole, you stupid F**ker, let me go... you f*cker..."

Then ended up on the bed, passed out cold till the a.m.

In the morning her BF revealed that she had called twice and left messages that said, "eeee" and the second said,"whatever.."
He then said the cops came to the back door at 3 a.m. asking for Wilfrickablo, cause his BF Tommy was wasted out of his mind and needed a babysister. Fritz BF said, "well, I have experience tonight with drunk people, my GF threw up all over, I had to wash her twice.."

It is now Monday and Fritz has a cold, he will never drink again, until he is old. Never before had such a thing happened. He is embarresed and his whole weekend was f*cked!

Luckily RussianRita's brother was sleeping, and he never witnessed the sight of some drunk old Fritz running around, swearing, while naked.....

I hope you enjoyed the story, now here is the moral
STOP YOUR DAMN DRINKING, DONT DRINK NO WINE, NO MIXING COLORS OR ELSE YOUR WEEKEND WILL BE RUINED!!!!

~~RUSSIANFRITZ~~

RussianFritz Figured it out!

RussianFritz,
New to the world of scriptz
Figuered out how to blow your Splitz
Now I know how to run this blog
RussianFritz is one fat slob!

~~RussianFritz~~

Recent Findings from the Institute of Rita Studies

New research has found that an early 20th-century actor, Rafaela Ottiano, played the role of Russian Rita in the 1933 film, She Done Him Wrong.

The New York Times writes:
During the talkie era, Ottiano specialized in sinister, spiteful characterizations. As aging trollop Russian Rita in She Done Him Wrong (1933), she meets her well-deserved end at the hands of Mae West.
In The Devil Doll (1935), she makes clear her plans to exploit her scientist husband's "miniaturization" process by hissing malevolently, "We'll make the whole world small!!!!" (Rafaela Ottiano, Filmography, www.movies2.nytimes.com)

It remains unclear whether Ottiano had connections with the real Rita or not. Afterall, Russian Rita was just a fictional character. Or was she? Two years later, Ottiano played yet another sinister role in The Devil Doll. In this film, she had aspirations of destroying the world as we know it. Coincidence? Maybe. What this new research has exposed is a fork in the path of Rita Studies. Does life imitate art or does art imitate life? Did Ottiano choose to imitate the art/fiction of Rita from the film and did this role lead her astray OR was the film simply imitating the reality of Rita in our world?
And there are more questions:

1. Is Ottiano really evil or is she just a poseur?
2. Did Rita manifest herself through Ottiano's body?
3. Was the author aware of Rita?
4. Was Ottiano innocent until she played the role of Russian Rita? Did she become evil only after having played the role?

Hopefully, The Institute of Rita Studies will provide us with the answers we are seeking.

Crap!!!

Riiiiittaaaaa!!! Dang-it, I forgot that pic was already posted... Sorry Ritas!
How about a pic of some penis-bread instead! Check out the go-go boots on my stripper!

Hola fellow ritas! Kend-rita has arrived! Dah! I thought it would be appropriate to up-load the world famous rita picture! There is so much emotion in this picture! I, myself, have put Rita to good use this week, as I have been smoke-free for five, count it, five days! Woo-hoo... I mean: Ri-ta!
Good news about Christmas Kat! Can't wait to see ya!

Land, ho!!!

Kaz just got his landed immigrant status! We will be coming back at Christmas to claim it. We'll probably stay for a week. Hope to see you then, Russian brothers and sisters of the Rita!!!

Sistas!

I am here! Skelei-rita known to most as Ceci, that poor girl who works at the mall, has finaly accepted her destiny as a russian rita!

anyway. rest your weary hearts becasue i am here. Does this make russian ritas an all powerful three?

Shelf Seeks Rich Widow

Hello. My head is a shelf.

Old ladies dig me. They can put their knick-knacks on my head.

My fantasy is to serve as furniture for rich, eccentric matrons.

They're not interested in husbands at their age, anyways.

The Art of Rita

What feeling does the name Rita conjure in your being? The expression is unique to each individual. Sometimes Rita can be angry and external, a force scratching out at the forces of frustration and angst of our world. Sometimes Rita can be an introverted attack on the self. Other times, Rita can be defiant, mixing pain and strength like the flamenco dancer. In all cases, however, expressing through Rita offers a joyous release from life's difficulties. What's your Rita saying?

Leave us a description of your Rita or send a photo to katita_z@yahoo.com .

Smash, Bang, Boom! Shattered Plates go Boom!

Boom, Bang, Splang, Flang,
Where is that dang rang?
I miss my Russian Sista's yeah!
Update me on your adventures

~~Fritz~~

Dentist Appointment!

Dear Russian Ritaz,
I want to inform you all that I have 5 cavities. It is sad...so sad...
One is a real cavity, the others are fake!!!
I will get all those damn holes pilled in with ceramic woodwork performed by Ignor Shnob-knob!
Thats slithering snake bite!
OOOOoooo I'd like to scratch his eyes out!
Dah!

RussianFritz has joined the PARTAI!!!!

Dear RussianRitas!
It is so nice to finally join you all. I have travelled long viered nights in search of Igor, Istanabad, Dah-Jugel, Fringle and Pringle. The night has finally arrived when the rings have joined to unite the band of gypsy ritas.
There are 7 missing rings, and only two have united, where are the other 5? I dont know?
Where is motha-Rita? Where did you she go.

Hello, world! You are witnessing the birth of the Russian Ritas official blog. Rita's whole family has come from St. Petersburg to celebrate this momentous occasion! Cousin Igor has even brought his balalaika so that little Fritz can dance to the music of the fatherland.

Click on Fritz!