A Message for the Russian Ritas Regarding our New Cultural Programme

Wow, wee! Long time no see.... How? - Hell! - long time, no smell! Glue, paste - no time; no taste. Skin, peel: long time; can't feel. My fingers curled up [CLAW] My tongue dried up [GAG] My nose gave up [SNIFF] My eyes lit up; burned out [SZZZzzz]

Long time, no write/see/hear/scratch/shriek, Russian Ritas!!

Russian Fritz and I have decided to reanimate the crusty exquisite carcass which is this BLOG.

Three years it's been rotting, wanting nothing more but trotting; neglected, left alone: a forgotten Fritz without his bone.

The Russian Ritas, spread throughout the world (Torontoningrad; Gotham City, AB; Calgaristan; and Montrealinovka), a diaspora which threatens to dissolve their shared identity.

How can we keep our cultural coherence? (The glue from the Frit-knob holding together the pieces of our imagined belonging)

We have no option but to write. We will trace out our Homeland with words.

Schakalllackaghhhdoumdaragh!!!!!

From: Russian-Rita, with love.

WOW! WOW! WEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Long time no seee...........

Wow, wow weeeeeeeeeee, long time no see....

What happened? 3 years? What the hell happened to all the Cudzzzasa postings? Poisonings?

I miss you all!

So much has happened in the land of Oz, and Chiz, and Tokz.... and Tozzz.

Currently, I reside in Gotham City, AB. It's cold and dark. Rainy and full of Crimritass.

Don't know what to say, but I be a posting soon again.

BYE~

to work or not to work

I guess/know that when i work is not my choice. I'v been sitting at home for the past two days! At least now i have some time to update the blog.

Poor skelei-rita has to have her wisdom teeth pulled out :( It scares me as both skeletons and ritas fear having parts of them pulled out. At least my mouth will stop hurting..eventualy.

In other news, i was planning to go to argentina/chile for my vacation..untill i found out that there is a tourist fee of 138 dollars in chile! boo...not sure what i'll do now.

Hugs and kisses to all the ritas.

People in Japan party hard

At the Azabu Juban street festival.

A Leah Sighting!

I had the great pleasure of checking in Leah for her flights to Castlegar today! I was working at London airport, when this vaguely familiar face approached me with baggage in tow. We had a nice visit, although short, but then again, Leah is short so I guess that is fitting! LOL.

I noticed that she was upgraded to Executive Class on the flight to Vancouver. She was in seat 2C. I don't know if that was because she shmoozed the gate agent in Toronto, or if it was because of the comment I put on her file. I hope she enjoyed it!

Jimmymou converts to MAC

Hello all! As usual I must appologize for being a bad, bad, blogger! It has been a busy summer for me, as I have been working my little Greek buns off taking overtime shifts in Hamilton, and also St. John's Newfie-Land! Next weekend will be my last trip to St. John's for work, then I think I'll stay home for a while and try to be a normal person again!

It was so nice to see Katie back in Canada! I enjoyed our visits, even though they were short, and not enough of them while you were here! The chocolate covered Macadamia nuts she gave me were/are delicious! I have been keeping them in the freezer and I eat one once in a while to remind me of the special friend who gave them to me! Ahhhhhhhh!

You may or may not have noticed something a little strange about the pictures I have posted. I think the rays coming out of my new laptop screen may be affecting me somehow. i don't know...do you see anything odd about the way I look????

In the Canadas

I had a smashing time in the Canadas! The weather was cool, the rice beer was ripe and I was able to see fellow Russian Ritas Wiener-Rita, Jimmy-mou, KendRita and Skelei-Rita.

Mamma Rita had ordered a lot of gluten-free desserts which, through an overabundance of joy, gave me a B.B.B.* Mamma Rita was happy that Wiener-Rita had one more person on whom to lavish her love and distribute it more evenly. Self-named "Old Fart Rita" was overworked and Romanian contractors were crawling through his bedroom window at night trying to give him building plans. Brother Rita was hauling scrap metal out of the river and diving in dumpsters.

Papa Fujio came to visit on June 28th. Unfortunately his hotel told him upon arriving that the smoker's room he had reserved was not available. The poor man had to stay in a non-smoking room. It got to be too much for Fujio and he booked a room for the following night in the smoke filled ghetto of the Executive Suites near the old Embassy. We had a great time with Papa Fujio. He was really funny and easy-going. Heather hugged him and wouldn't let go of him. After he had left, she begged me to phone him so she could talk to him.

Other than that, the stay was pleasantly uneventful. My mom and I snuck off early one morning to go to the beach. You forget how therapeutic the warm sand, waves and open skies can be.

KendRita and I went to her coworker's party. It was fun times! They had a live band and had hired their own personal bartender. KendRita won the Guitar Hero championships and made the tweens and teens hang their heads in shame.

I took a picture of Kendrita and the band. She has these whimsically satanic eyes as if she were looking back with nostalgia on all of her misdeeds.

It was a great vacation. I miss the home of the beaver already!

*Big Bubble Butt

Chinese Sticker Fun!

You can make fun and exciting stickers in China!!!

Wow! A Swedish Soul Sister from Across the Sea!!

Suzanne Ingmar, a girl Cecilia, Rodrigo and I met in Cordoba, Argentina, also makes perverted gingerbreads! One Christmas in 2004, I sent her some Christmas email greetings with a picture of our ginger people and she was so amused that she started making her own. They are a big hit over in Sweden! May the joy spread all over the world!!!

Back to L-Town

I'll be back in L-Town on June 18th and will stay until July 12th. See you then!

Polish Authorities Probing if Teletubbies Are Gay

Here we go again...

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/entertainment_poland

Worse than University

Greetings from the country of sleeplessness, AKA Dorval

This training is worse than university 7am to 3pm every day. We have exams every monday and drills every few days. I suck at the drills so far ;( no worries darlings, i'd get you evacuated if you were on my flight.

I miss all the rita's and hopefully i can come and see you soon on my passes.

love skelei-rita

p.s wheres the empanada store in montreal?

Gotokuji Temple

While Kaz was getting his hair cut and dyed, I went to the nearby temple, Gotokuji. The temple is famous for its beckoning cat statues which bring good luck. Legend had it that a samurai lord was standing under a pine tree in a storm and a monk's cat beckoned him to come inside. Just after the lord followed the cat, the tree he had been standing under was struck by lightning and burned to a crisp. The lord thereafter promised to worship at this temple.

The Pasta Machine / Everything Returns to the Sea

This poem was inspired by the friend of my co-worker who constantly sends him poetic messages about the state of his poo.

The Pasta Machine / Everything Returns to the Sea

turn, turn, goes the crank
the push of the machine
tender sheets
lasagne
finespun strands
or robust pipes?
angel hair or
penne-bursting-out-of-tripes?
whatever may come
may it be ripe, ripe
clip, clip, clip
the machine goes pinch
gnocchi falling
from its treasure ship
fatty roly almond jewels
exquisite divers into pools
back to the place of their birth.

A Really Great Inventory List

I received an inventory list from Russian Fritz. Look at all the things she has in stock:

Some yellow curry, I'm in a hurry, a McBlizzard Flurry, that squirrel scurries, scabies, babies, rabies, tramp, poop, scoop, a little bit of ice creaaaammm-ah, some black bean sauce, some ratsss, some nose bleeds, a little bit of bacteriophages in my encephalitis, arthritis, some bronchitis, and a big shovel of gastritis. Some hepatitis, laryngitis, and some gang green!

A little bit of infectious meningitis, some beets, some carrots, a little bit of Acne Vulgaris, a spoonful of Galactorrhea, some dermatitis, a little bit of topic Eczema, some screama, and a little bit of rash in my ass.

I GOT A DISEASE….
I got a little bit of Adrenoleukodystrophy, some dystrophy, some Alkaptonuria infecting my glycogen storage unit disease. I am an android, with poopoids, in my crep cycle asshole gingivitis.

I got a biotinidase deficiency, a cretency deficiency, a Rietanitis, some Fritinitise, and some glaucoma.
Im allergic to latex, creams, bioptic cancer, and some floride.
I got some uranium, and some nickel, and a little bit of Zoonoses, some Xanthomatosis, and a big bunch of Volkmann Contracture.

I got some Helium, some argon, some Neon, and some Krypton, Im gonna mix the Xenon, and the Uranium 238, with an ion of radioactive carbonitis, with some nucleotoid of my toenail. I got some pumpernickel, some applejuice, and a little bit of Scandium 44.98w456. Some W D 40, some Bush, some beefwaker, some cakecracker, and some Germanium 72.64upyourassholeium.

I got some linoleum, some Rubidium, a pound of Strontium, and acre of Yttrium, a gallon of Zirconium, a mile of Niobium, a hecter of Molybdenum, a gram of masala, some butter chicken, some squid, a little bit of rags, some glass, a portion of Koolaid, some bandages, a little bit of curtain, some microchips, a built to last Compaq Presario in my refrigerator, I got a ice box with a litre of Technetium that’s freezing to create a combustible reaction with an isotope of Ruthenium, combined with some sodium bicarbonate, some organic flower, and some dandelion, a little bit of scramtheon and some Rhodium to create a black fall out of tshirts, and silk, and some Chinese slippers.

Peek into Tokyo Life

Can an office, a dining room, a kitchen, and a bedroom fit into one room? It can in Tokyo.

April arrived with cherry blossoms. This is the river near our home.

Communist Chinahhhhhhh!

I had a blast with Russian Fritz in China! I arrived at the Shanghai Airport late on March 25th. The Fritzes ordered a company driver to pick me up and drive me to Suzhou. It took about 1.5 hours. R. Fritz and I spent time shopping, getting massages, facials, manicures, haircuts, and we even went to the gym together!

Russian Fritz is a street theater haggler extraordinaire. Her negotiating techniques and dramatized explanations never fail to win the attention and hearts of the Chinese people. Some of her strategies for demanding lower prices include saying "but you and I are friends!" and pointing to a very low price that the salesperson had already denied and saying "thank you! Thank you!" as if the salesperson had already accepted her offer.

With R. Fritz's undeniable talent and with my newfound negotiation knowledge, we took to the streets of Shanghai! When the myriads of street sellers followed us, attempting to sell us their wares, we attempted to sell them our own wares at outrageous prices. Some people were beweirded, but most were amused. Some wanted to by our overpriced hair accessories just for the novelty, others were just calling our bluff.

We had good times on Fanghang street. This is a street that sells a lot of faux antiques. You have period-style imitation Mao clocks, communist propaganda posters, Buddhist statues, etc. R. Fritz and I got cheap imitation communist worker caps and wore them down the street. At first, I feared we were too bold, but the public enjoyed the spectacle. Many snapped photos of us and requested photos with us. It just goes to show how some khaki green cloth and a cheap red star can make you an instant celebrity.

The next morning, we visited an ancient temple complex. The statuary was simply incredible: massive, brilliantly coloured, excessive, intense, filled with smoke and exuberant prayer.

We then went into the Bund, the European part of Shanghai where rich and famous Westerners would hang out in the early 20th century. On the opposite side of the river, lies modern Shanghai, which looks as if it were designed by Michael Jackson. We took a boat tour, gazing at the buildings through a semi-transparent veil of smog.

Progress

Dearest Russian Ritas,

Its Spring Cleaning at my London home...i think this is the first time I'm really putting effort into down sizing. I cant believe i have this much crap! actually I'm surprised i don't have more .....
It may take me weeks to catalogue this room, and i may perish in the process. sistas, give me strength.

At a Small Underground Club in Roppongi

We met this guy from France! He was crazy - he totally tripped us out! We never experienced being tripped out by OTHER people before. We are not the trippees, we are the TRIPPERS! But this time, our destiny showed us how wrong we were. Russian Fritz and I are humbled.

Dancing in Tokyo-YO!!!

During the Chinese New Year (Feb.17-25, 2007) MaRita and I went to visit KatRita. While MaRita worked, RussianFritz and KatRita tripped out Japan. The whole contenant was in dismay!
On our adventures in Tokyo, Japan, we came upon the hip hop grooving metropolis land of dance club haven for all those dancing techno rapping people.
We went to this area called Rappongi, and it was littered with dance clubs EVERYWHERE! Upstairs, downstairs, 50 floors up, 2 floors underground. In Tokyo exists the underground land of people.
Here are pictures of one of our tripped out adventures.
We went to the club “Limits” and on this night we knew no limits. We drank, and drank, and danced, and the bar filled up. A few days later the owner of the bar called KatRita to ask if we were coming again, she said, “You charged us too much money last time (for all the drinks)…” He said, “…don’t worry come and you won’t have to pay for anything!” We didn’t show up!
Here is a picture of some of the people we met, as you can see, this man was incarnated as Rita, or possessed by her. Due to alcohol poisoning the Rita Radar wasn’t working.
We met his friend from France who was also possessed and was infected with some kind of disease…. DISEASE!!!!!!!!

Coming Attraction-Cecilia as a fully funtioning adult

Dear Ritas

This post is from one of air canada's newest employees! I got a call about accepting the job this morning. I'm scared shittless as i have to move to toronto...and generealy will have to take care of myself.

What will become of me?

I Miss My Katie!!!!!

Oh where is my Katie? I miss her so much! I've been waiting for so long for her to return to me, that my hair has grown and grown! Won't my Katie come back and brush my hair for me? I love my Katie!

Bear Spotting in Puerto Vallarta!

It has been two weeks since I returned from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I went there during the "Beefdip" week. The Beefdip is an organized week of events such as pool parties, dances, a booze cruise, ATV tour, and much more. More importantly, Beefdip is for bears! What is a "bear" you say? Well, a bear is a man (preferably a gay one) who is hirsuite by nature, usually has some sort of facial hair, and if possible, lots of body hair to go along with it. Be careful....bears are NOT for everyone! But for those of us who like them... WHOOO HOOOOOOO! For the week of January 27th to February 4th, 2007.....Puerto Vallarta was infested with bears...and that was just fine with me.

I met some really nice guys from L.A., Idaho, Washington, Seattle, Dallas, and lots from Toronto! The organizer of Beefdip is from Toronto, you see...so there were lots of guys from there, including a cutie (Joe) that I was quite fond of. He is more of a bear "cub"...but I'll get into the subsects of bears another time. Anyway, here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment....




1. Alex, Joe, Virag, Larry, Jim at condo party. 2. Jimmymou (alias Jagbear2458) hugging
Joe and Rob


1. Sexy Joe! 2. No matter where you go, you're never too far from a weiner dog!!! 3. Frida-jim Kahlo!


1,2. Pictures of a gay bar in PV called "Frida Bar". There is Frida memorabilia
on every wall! Isn't life grand when you can even find a Frida Kahlo cutout??



!. More from Frida Bar. 2. Yes.....we got pedicures! Felt wonderful!



1. Jim and Ida Slapter...drag show performer at the Bench and Bar. She was hilarious! 2. Finished pedicure..mine are below!



1. Typical food at the resort we stayed at. 2. View from my room at sunset

1. Balancing on the edge of the infinity pool. Don't worry..I'm not really Jesus! 2. Typical Puerto Vallarta sunset!!




1. Alex, Tom, and me at Alvarados...most amazing seafood I've ever eaten! Off the beaten track
hole-in-the-wall restaurant on Peru Ave. 2. I regret not buying a Mexican Wrestler mask.



1. Another beautiful sunset. 2. Rob, Tom, Jim, Carlos at the condo party.



1. Okay..a king size bed on the patio of the condo?? I swear this wasn't a porno party but Carlos was trying to make a movie! "Bow chickie bow bow" 2. Joe and me......yummy!!!!