The Pasta Machine / Everything Returns to the Sea

This poem was inspired by the friend of my co-worker who constantly sends him poetic messages about the state of his poo.

The Pasta Machine / Everything Returns to the Sea

turn, turn, goes the crank
the push of the machine
tender sheets
lasagne
finespun strands
or robust pipes?
angel hair or
penne-bursting-out-of-tripes?
whatever may come
may it be ripe, ripe
clip, clip, clip
the machine goes pinch
gnocchi falling
from its treasure ship
fatty roly almond jewels
exquisite divers into pools
back to the place of their birth.

A Really Great Inventory List

I received an inventory list from Russian Fritz. Look at all the things she has in stock:

Some yellow curry, I'm in a hurry, a McBlizzard Flurry, that squirrel scurries, scabies, babies, rabies, tramp, poop, scoop, a little bit of ice creaaaammm-ah, some black bean sauce, some ratsss, some nose bleeds, a little bit of bacteriophages in my encephalitis, arthritis, some bronchitis, and a big shovel of gastritis. Some hepatitis, laryngitis, and some gang green!

A little bit of infectious meningitis, some beets, some carrots, a little bit of Acne Vulgaris, a spoonful of Galactorrhea, some dermatitis, a little bit of topic Eczema, some screama, and a little bit of rash in my ass.

I GOT A DISEASE….
I got a little bit of Adrenoleukodystrophy, some dystrophy, some Alkaptonuria infecting my glycogen storage unit disease. I am an android, with poopoids, in my crep cycle asshole gingivitis.

I got a biotinidase deficiency, a cretency deficiency, a Rietanitis, some Fritinitise, and some glaucoma.
Im allergic to latex, creams, bioptic cancer, and some floride.
I got some uranium, and some nickel, and a little bit of Zoonoses, some Xanthomatosis, and a big bunch of Volkmann Contracture.

I got some Helium, some argon, some Neon, and some Krypton, Im gonna mix the Xenon, and the Uranium 238, with an ion of radioactive carbonitis, with some nucleotoid of my toenail. I got some pumpernickel, some applejuice, and a little bit of Scandium 44.98w456. Some W D 40, some Bush, some beefwaker, some cakecracker, and some Germanium 72.64upyourassholeium.

I got some linoleum, some Rubidium, a pound of Strontium, and acre of Yttrium, a gallon of Zirconium, a mile of Niobium, a hecter of Molybdenum, a gram of masala, some butter chicken, some squid, a little bit of rags, some glass, a portion of Koolaid, some bandages, a little bit of curtain, some microchips, a built to last Compaq Presario in my refrigerator, I got a ice box with a litre of Technetium that’s freezing to create a combustible reaction with an isotope of Ruthenium, combined with some sodium bicarbonate, some organic flower, and some dandelion, a little bit of scramtheon and some Rhodium to create a black fall out of tshirts, and silk, and some Chinese slippers.

Peek into Tokyo Life

Can an office, a dining room, a kitchen, and a bedroom fit into one room? It can in Tokyo.

April arrived with cherry blossoms. This is the river near our home.

Communist Chinahhhhhhh!

I had a blast with Russian Fritz in China! I arrived at the Shanghai Airport late on March 25th. The Fritzes ordered a company driver to pick me up and drive me to Suzhou. It took about 1.5 hours. R. Fritz and I spent time shopping, getting massages, facials, manicures, haircuts, and we even went to the gym together!

Russian Fritz is a street theater haggler extraordinaire. Her negotiating techniques and dramatized explanations never fail to win the attention and hearts of the Chinese people. Some of her strategies for demanding lower prices include saying "but you and I are friends!" and pointing to a very low price that the salesperson had already denied and saying "thank you! Thank you!" as if the salesperson had already accepted her offer.

With R. Fritz's undeniable talent and with my newfound negotiation knowledge, we took to the streets of Shanghai! When the myriads of street sellers followed us, attempting to sell us their wares, we attempted to sell them our own wares at outrageous prices. Some people were beweirded, but most were amused. Some wanted to by our overpriced hair accessories just for the novelty, others were just calling our bluff.

We had good times on Fanghang street. This is a street that sells a lot of faux antiques. You have period-style imitation Mao clocks, communist propaganda posters, Buddhist statues, etc. R. Fritz and I got cheap imitation communist worker caps and wore them down the street. At first, I feared we were too bold, but the public enjoyed the spectacle. Many snapped photos of us and requested photos with us. It just goes to show how some khaki green cloth and a cheap red star can make you an instant celebrity.

The next morning, we visited an ancient temple complex. The statuary was simply incredible: massive, brilliantly coloured, excessive, intense, filled with smoke and exuberant prayer.

We then went into the Bund, the European part of Shanghai where rich and famous Westerners would hang out in the early 20th century. On the opposite side of the river, lies modern Shanghai, which looks as if it were designed by Michael Jackson. We took a boat tour, gazing at the buildings through a semi-transparent veil of smog.